Do I Really Believe?

I have recently been asking some tough questions of myself. Maybe you can relate, maybe not. But I thought I would share where I am right now.

Question #1: Why Do I continually choose to do things that do not matter in the slightest?

This question undoubtedly leads into the next question.

Question #2: Do I really believe Jesus is enough?

This second question is really a series of questions: Do I really believe that He alone will satisfy my needs and desires? Do I really believe that He has my best in mind and wants what's best? Do I really believe that it is worth it to forsake everything but Him? Do I really believe that His way is best?

I'm gonna venture an educated guess here and say that the answer is unequivocally and simply, no. I do not really believe Jesus is enough. I can't can I? If I did, my actions would be different. If I did my attitudes, thoughts and words would be different. If I truly believed that following Jesus first and foremost and forsaking the things of this world was worth it then I would be living way differently. I'm not saying I'm not a Christian. I know I am most definitely saved and forgiven. I know I am hard on myself too. But I'm judging myself by God's standard, not this worlds.

I don't know exactly how this is going to be remedied but I know something needs to change. I need to settle in my own heart what I know in my head. Yes it is most definitely worth it. I know this to be true. I know it. But I want to live it, not just know it. I will be wrestling with this for a while and hopefully sharing how God continues to prove His faithfulness.